I once tucked a shirt in the bottom of my clothes bag while I was in Uni. Purpose? To get the shirt as rumpled as possible. It was in this bag for about three months.
Then I got it out and wore it without ironing. This shirt was so rough, you could hold grain in every crease. I wore it to the lecture hall and everyone noticed me. I mean, EVERYONE! No wonder I couldn’t even ‘get’ a girlfriend. But who cared anyway.
I have a pair of Nikes I bought at Ikeja-Underbridge for N3000(then less than $20). Bootleg, fake, whatever you call it! Now, I don’t know if this shoe is real or fake. But it works! It’s comfortable. And I still wear it to the gym. It’s served me 3 years now. Whenever anyone admires it, I tell them immediately where and how I got it. Just the same way I used to tell people in 2013 how I bought shirts at Ikeja for N1k($6) every other month, some of them replica of fake designer labels. I knew how to select the best fakes. So when someone asks me where I got them, I just direct them to ‘my guy’.
Today, Fu’ad. doesn’t think I like taking kekes. But I do. Sometimes. And I enjoy it(only when I’m not driving). I have past experience ofdumping my car in traffic just to take a Napep home. I have gotten on buses more times this year than I have in 3 years — not just because I had issues with my car but because of the thrill in taking this form of transport. On many of the instances, my mind goes to the inconvenience of rubbing my body with total strangers, many with different head shapes and body types. I’m quickly reminded to gamify my experiences. So, I play Formula1(don’t ask how).
Before the end of this year, I’m gatecrashing a wedding for food. Not because I don’t have food to eat or because Party Jollof tastes better than home-made Jollof, but because YOLO.
I still don’t iron my t-shirts(why I avoid very formal engagements). I hate ironing my shirt. Pius comes to do laundry every Saturdays but I don’t ever ask him to iron. “Dress the way you want to be addressed”, they say. But maybe, sometimes I don’t want to be taken seriously(except where money comes into play).
I don’t have a mirror in my house. And I swore I’d never have; at least till I take off the cloak of single-hood.
I once went on a date with someone to a Chinese restaurant. When we were handed the hot towel, she thought it was some type of meat. That was so embarrassing but we were together! I tell this story every time I go Chinese or restaurants that hand out a hot towel; but not after making people believe I actually thought I was handed food. I don’t even bother clarifying.
I once bought a car with all the money I had. Broke as hell, I took Garri to work with a bottle of groundnut. Ate at my desk, office hours every day. Ask Joey Akan.
Did I mention this month I’ve been at the Police station twice — arrested for things that don’t make sense? Like how I bashed into my neighbor’s gate and got arrested? Or how I was arrested for stealing my own car? Stupid shit! The last time, the Police men and I talked about babes and our pot bellies, just before getting ‘released’.
Do you know I have a six pack abs that’s closely protected in a pot belly. My gym can’t break it.
This year, my car broke down on the Third Mainland Bridge at 5am in the morning, rain falling like crazy, me in my most expensive shoes, a pair of Lacoste plimsoles, waving like crazy because cars couldn’t see my Caution sign and my driver was trying to change tires. It was fun telling this story. Not without telling people how I wanted to take a selfie in the rain. I couldn’t get a good one sadly.
I recorded a 14 second music video of my song, The Defiance.
You see, I’m learning not to take life too seriously. Despite the pressures that get thrown at me, I look for that one thing that presents itself as the upside. I read somewhere once how the ‘awakened person’ looks at things from different perspectives and then chooses to see things differently. And so what I have decided to do is each day write 5 things I am grateful for. You’d be surprised how many things you take for granted.
So why don’t I take life too seriously? Everything in life is borrowed. You don’t own anything. Maybe it’s time you just enjoyed it — while it lasts.